If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize