Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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