My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
