Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
