my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
