i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm at about main and main street
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
