Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
