I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
