Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
