I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think I sprained my soul last night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
