life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
