Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
