awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
