Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
