forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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