just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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