girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize