Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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