I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize