you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Randomize
