is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
