do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
