Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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