Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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