She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
