I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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