Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
