how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
