In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize