i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
