Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
