i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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