On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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