He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
that may or may not have been my penis.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
