So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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