last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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