the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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