I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
