At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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