Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
