I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
They have beer where we have blood.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
