It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
