The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
