come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
