u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
