If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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