my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
