I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
