I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
