i permit you to call me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
