I hate your face
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
