Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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