Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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