An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Couch. On fire.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
