She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I still have a little drunk in my system
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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