Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
