she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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