I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
