One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
