I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
