the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize