Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
