We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
