You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
