If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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