She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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