Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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