Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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