Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize