that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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