we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
