my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
