god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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