my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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