I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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