too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
