omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
