pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
