her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
