do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he thought i was a dude.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
