My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
