Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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