WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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