it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
