If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
