yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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