I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
