i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
