is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Someone signed my nipple.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
