so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
