Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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