Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
