i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
there's paper in my vomit.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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