I just made out with a guy for $7.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
40s are totally the cure
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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