Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
