I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
