I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
