you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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