I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
