His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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