Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
