My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
