Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
