...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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