two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
