Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
