Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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